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Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Just Can’t Wait To Be Queen!
“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” —Golda Meir
When I was a young girl, I wanted to be King. Now, before you laugh, listen to my plight. When I was a young girl, still in pigtails and knee socks—I would play the Castle Game with the kids in the neighborhood, the Lockwoods. We would choose our roles; but for some reason, I always ended up being Princess So and So and the Lockwood boy would always end up being the King.
Well, I became tired of always being Princess So and So. One day, I told the Lockwood boy that it was my turn to be King. The Lockwood boy had given me a withering look and announced all knowingly that I “could not be King”.
Well, why not? I had asked. Being the King seemed to be so much more fun, so much more important, so much more interesting. Why, if you were King, you give all of the orders, you decide the rules of the Castle Game. You controlled how the game was played. In essence, if you were King, you were the Boss. If someone did not play the Castle Game according to your rules—which seemed to change every second—then they were just not “allowed” to be a part of the game.
I was told that I HAD to be the Princess. I could not—COULD NOT—be the King because I was a GIRL. Moreover, the way he said “GUURRRRL” made me want to snatch his little paper crown from atop his curly brown head and rip it to shreds.
Fine, I said, then I want to be the Queen. Queens are important; Queens have power, right? Another exasperated look as if I just did not get it. You cannot be the Queen, I was informed. You have to be married to the King, and the King would still be the boss. What? How ridiculous was that? I got mad. I went home. I did not play the Castle Game with the Lockwood boy anymore after that. I was just not content with being the Princess and I certainly was not going to be the Queen and let the King be the boss of me “just because”.
Eventually I grew up and I went out into the world. I became employed. I made connections and to my amazement, I found that in some circles, people were still playing the Castle Game—a different variation, perhaps, and more grown up. But it was still the same game and sadly, the game seemed to have the same basic rules.
I met a lot of people who basically told me that I could not be the King, no matter how much I knew, no matter how hard I worked. No matter how many degrees I had, I was still relegated to the role of “Princess”. Never to determine my own worth in the workplace, never to be King—or Queen for that matter.
Not only were women like me put into the Princess So and So role—here’s the rub—we were reduced to having to watch Prince So and So become King while we stood in the shadows, wondering when, if ever, we would get our turn.
In addition, we should have felt “lucky” that we were “chosen” to be Princesses in this Patriarchy. What? Who were they to determine my worth for me? I woke up. I decided then to never again allow someone else to assign my worth for me, to tell me what I was worth.
The year 2010 marks a new beginning for so many people, it means the same for me. I’ve decided that I am no longer content with letting someone else decide where I should fit. This represents a new way of being for me. I cannot pretend anymore to be satisfied with being Princess So and So when I know inside that I was born to be Queen—if only in my own Queendom.
It has to start within before it can be shared with others. No one can help us begin to feel better about ourselves. In this area, we have to do the hard work for OURSELVES. Sometimes we are afraid to take that first step for fear of failing or feeling that we have to “fix” ourselves first and only then can we move forward.
My perception of myself is essential to how I will be. So is yours. If we change the way we see ourselves, we will change our lives. We have to give to ourselves what we cannot get from others. We have to make our inner voice the loudest voice that we hear. I decided that I had something to say, that I was tired of being shushed - that is how This Midlife Thing Magazine was born. You can do what needs to be done in your life, whether you FEEL like it or not. Where would you like to be? What is your purpose? What will you do to get there? When we have a strong sense of where we are going, we can stay directed and focused.
Sometimes we will feel powerful and unstoppable. At other times, we may feel like the cartoon character mushed on the yellow line of the median. We change the way we feel by changing the way we act. Act yourself into being powerful. Practice being powerful.
Learn not to beat yourself up. It takes work—hard work—to reclaim your worth. So what if people wonder who do you think you are. I cannot remain in denial of my worth just to ‘not make waves”. I am moving on to better things, growing through courage and reclaiming the greatness that my Soul holds within her.
Feeling good about ourselves and about what our purpose is on this earth IS vitally important to determining our worth for ourselves. This process is a never-ending journey toward actualizing our GREATNESS. We can and we will get there, one step at a time. Developing real self worth requires that we love ourselves as deeply, as completely and as unconditionally as we would love another. Worth is knowing and appreciating ourselves and rediscovering our loveliness and our beauty, not just outwardly, but the beauty of our Souls.
Today, I am Queen in my own life. I consciously acknowledge my worth daily. Not because someone else has agreed that I have worth or because someone has decided that I am worthy. I decide my worth and I will never again hide my gifts. Now, has anybody seen the Lockwood boy? I’ve got a word or two for him!
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Becoming a Mid Life Diva is not some ethnic thing, it's a woman thing. A woman totally in charge of herself and not afraid to live out loud. We owe it to ourselves and those we love to be and expect the best that we can be. Come out and play with us! We are going to shake our tail feathers. Maybe we will act up and act out, but most of all, we will be free to be and to become the Divas that we were born to be. And we are going to talk about it, laugh about it, we may even cry about it.Write in and tell the rest of us how you do it, make yourself heard. We're Mid Life Divas, we can do what we want. And I want your stories about how you're doing it. Have a story about your journey over and through this strange new terrain? Share it with us! Join the fray!
Musings of a Mid Life Diva Columns
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Mid Life
Taming of the Shrew
Act My Age?
Pride and the “B” Word
Bringing Sexy Back
Everything I Know About Life I Learned From A Girl
Editor of "This Midlife Thing Magazine"
Author of "Soul Powerful, Everyday Life Lessons for Uncovering and Recovering Your Greatness Within". Novels "When Crazy's Coming, Cross The Street" and "The Things We Throw Away and Other Tales of Dysfunction" in progress.