Everything I Know About Life I Learned From A Girl

I sat cross-legged on the floor of my niece’s room, paying careful attention to her as she pointed out all of the new additions and changes she’d made in her bedroom. My niece’s bedroom – her haven away from the rest of the world – is “all diva”, her special place to be alone, so when she invited me in, I felt honored.

The little diva actually has a doorbell for her bedroom. I “oooh” and “aaah” over the beaded curtain at the entryway, the pink princess netting above her headboard complete with acrylic hand painted butterflies. The stenciled butterflies on her wall. Her mother, my sister’s, handiwork I have no doubt. My niece is truly a diva, not that it’s a bad thing!

While surveying her treasures, I picked up the small handbag that my niece was pointing out to me. “That’s new too,” she said, moving on to something else. Nestled on the front of the sparkly sequined handbag was a small plastic see-thru pocket, also trimmed with sequins. 

“What’s this for?” I asked her. My niece shrugged, the action nonchalant. “That’s where you put pictures of your best friends.” She told me. Ah, I nodded. “So whose picture are you going to put in there?”

“Whatever!” My niece sniffed. “I am going to put a picture of myself in there. I’m my own best friend.”

Well, two snaps and a twist, I guess that she told me! But, I had to admit, after I picked my jaw and myself up off of the floor, I decided then that my niece had something to teach even a Mid Life Diva like myself.

You know, out of all of the years that I have lived and now that I have begun this new journey through Mid Life Divadom, I find that I had a lot to learn about being my own best friend. Don’t get me wrong. I know the drill; I say nice things to myself most days. I take care of my health. I treat myself to alone time as often as possible, but I found that I had a lot more to learn about being my own best friend. I had to learn that I needed to be kinder to myself. To baby “my baby” - me.

Most days we are more polite, more considerate, and more forgiving to a perfect stranger than we are to ourselves. We smile at the cute guy at the corner coffee stand every morning but barely acknowledge our own reflection each morning with a grunt and a frown.

So, I am learning to baby my baby. Nurture myself, smile at myself. Congratulate myself on a job well done. Or encourage myself should I fall short, telling myself without beating myself up, that I will do better next time. I find that when I am nicer to me, I am nicer to others. And when I am nicer to others, this makes me feel more confident, more able to deal with the things that come up, and they will.

This confidence means that we are confident and happy with ourselves, as we are, feeling unique, special, confident and competent.

Maintaining high esteem may be a challenge for Mid Life Divas as things change, demands on our time increase rather than decrease. Time seems to speed up rather than slowing down, something this Mid Life Diva thought that she was looking forward to but am finding that now is the time when things are getting really interesting. 

Some of us are often taking care of children, parents, maybe even grandchildren. Technological changes, decreasing resources, increasing demands at work, even our own high standards. All things that could potentially lead to crash and burn, unless we learn to baby ourselves. Be our own best friends.

I am learning to focus on what I do well, instead of trying to do everything. Do well in what is important to me.

Returning back to the adults in the kitchen, I teased my sister that when I grew up, I wanted to be just like my niece. Well, unless I can be Tina Turner when I grow up. That’s a different story.
My reasons are simple. My niece has the best self-image that I have ever seen in a girl of that age. She is truly her own best friend. She says that she is gorgeous; she says that she is smart. She is truly unstoppable. If she’s said it, it must be so.

Definitely a role model to aspire to be.

Mid Life Divas, how are you “babying your baby?” How are you being kinder to yourself? Got a comment about the column or just want to share some words wisdom with other Mid Life Divas? Share it with us! Join in the fray. Tell us what gives your life flavor. What makes you feel alive, want to stand up and dance. We want to hear it, your stories, and your ideas. Stop by to visit, stay awhile and dish!

Advance Review by Trumillia

Advance Review by Trumillia

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Girl, Just Look At You!

Girl, just look at you, with your pretty self. You are so beautiful!

Not only are you beautiful, but you have the nerve to be talented and gifted by God. Hold your head up Girl and know that you are loved and appreciated. Don’t give the enemy any place to cause you to have low self-esteem or doubt. You are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. This is your year to decree it and speak it! This is the year of new beginnings.

So get your step on, Girl, because God is faithful to perform all that He has promised to you! Be confident in Him and His word. The words you speak from your mouth determine your outcome. Why not speak good and positive things over your life Girl?

You are not defeated but rather you are more than a conqueror. You have been through a lot in your life and look at you now, just as pretty and as strong as ever! Oh, how blessed you are. Look what God has done and look where He has brought you from.

Begin to bless God and praise Him for all that He has done, and for making you so beautiful! He had you in His precious hands all the time. Your life is orchestrated by Him.

He knows you and what is best for you Believe that He has even greater things in store for you and your family. Girl, get over the silly stuff and grab hold of faith. Seek God as never before. Sure, times are hard, but God is Good! Learn to love who He has made you to be. There is no one like YOU.

– Author Unknown

Single at Mid Life - And Crazy As ...

Heck. Heck is what I meant to say. As if my journey through MidLife Divadom did not come with enough “obstacles”, recently I read an article on the Everyday Health.com public site. The article, Being Single In Midlife Could Raise Your Risk For Dementia, published on July 30 by HealthDay News raised the alarm, stating that if you are single and in your 40s, it might be a healthy idea to get married.

What? No really, and the article had “research” to back up their claims. The results of the studies featured in the article are expected to be released August 6th at the Alzheimer’s Association’s National Medical and Scientific Advisory Council.

Said experts state that unmarried middle-aged people are more likely to develop cognitive impairment than their partnered counterparts are. That the process of “ruminating about life” could actually protect your brain. According to the research, Midlifers with partners have a 50 percent lower risk of showing signs of senility in late life compared to those who lived alone, those who stayed single their entire lives have double the risk of dementia while those who were divorced from midlife onward tripled their risk. 

States study author Krister Hakansson, “Living in a couple means that you are confronted with other ideas, perspectives and needs. You have to compromise, make decisions and solve problems together with someone else, which is more complicated and challenging. It is probably easier to get stuck in your own habits and routines if you live by yourself”.

What??? I guess, once you are alone, the brain turns to mush because you have nothing else to think about? Oh goodness! I guess having a life of one’s own does not count for much anymore!

In my own defense, I think that I am – for now – going to hold out for further proof. Meanwhile, I have a ton of things to “ruminate over” that may more than help stave off an impending dual with sanity. I have more than enough things that actually drive me crazy to keep me from going crazy.

The Teenage Wonder also known as Son begins college in a week. He will – sheltered child that he is – be responsible for getting himself to the University – on time, everyday. He will be responsible for himself, which makes the Enabler in me CRAZY! However, same Teenage Wonder wants to wear the “big boy pants” of being a “grown-up” while asking me for money and what is for dinner – all in the same breath. Crazy!

Then, there is the up and down dance at the gasoline pumps, a constant “spin the wheel” as I guess how much it will cost me to fill up the tank of my “mini-SUV” this time.

There is the fluctuating weight scale that testifies to more “off days” and less “On days” as hormones does a number on my once athletic build. And let’s talk about those hot flashes. That is enough to drive anybody crazy!

Then, there is the political race, the never-ending political dance.

In addition, I have three sisters – three very strong-willed, opinionated sisters who never fail to make their views known. Need I say more about these women?

I have work that keeps me stimulated, friends who keep me motivated and one Phenomenal Mother who keeps me real. I have more than enough things that actually drive me crazy to worry about going crazy.

Yes, I have more than enough things that keep me stimulated, if these things are not going to help me fight off dementia, then I am doomed!

Taming Of The Shrew

Lately, I have spent far too much time, some would say wasting my time, indulging in one of my favorite past times - checking out the goings on in Hollywood. Call it yet another guilty pleasure. There is always something going on. Somehow, whatever is going on in my world seems mundane compared to what is covered by the entertainment media.

Click after click reveals story after story of the arrival of yet another perfect Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie offspring or two. Somebody’s gotten engaged. A little gossip here, a snip of a newsreel there. Somebody’s gotten un-engaged. The sheer abundance of “information” at my fingertips is amazing! However, one little nugget of “news” of late crossed my screen and I have to admit, I was horrified.

Ugh! I wanted to shield my eyes. I wanted to shield the dog’s eyes.

These days another Hollywood divorce is not anything new, a sad commentary on the state of things, but there it is. But this one was unique, the divorce du jour between Christie Brinkley from her now off-husband Peter Cook. Stories of he said/she said, he did/she did, improper behavior and the like. All accusations held in open court for the entire world, and for her children, to see.

What truly troubled me was that the decision to open the divorce proceedings to the media was a choice that had been made over the objection of counsel. Now, don’t get me wrong, I completely understand wanting revenge for public embarrassment and humiliation. I understand wanting to make him or her pay for the humiliation. I am sure that there is more than one woman or man out there who would like to “stick it to the bum” and hurt the other the way you have been hurt.

For her part in the debacle, Ms. Brinkley has been called a shrew. Pain displays her ugly little face in many ways. Some, present company included, may wonder what it was that drove Ms. Brinkley to demand her divorce proceedings opened to the media. How very hard it must be to come up to that line, that very thin line between love and hate, then stop, turn and walk away. Who is to say that if it were us, that we would not do the same? Though I don’t advise parading of your personal business before the entire world, I can understand the pain that had to be at the center of this tragedy.

It is too easy to shake our fingers at her and say, “You shouldn’t have.” Sometimes, when we are in the heat of the battle, we would sooner give the offender a one-way ticket to the hot spot before choosing to take the high road.

But, one or two bad decisions does not a shrew make. How we deal with it does. I guess what I am getting at is dignity. Dignity is a major weapon in our arsenal as Mid Life Divas making our journey through Mid Life Divadom.

Somebody do you wrong? I’m not saying just sit aside and look all tired and pathetic. Nor am I advising airing all of your dirty laundry and then some. Nor am I saying go completely left and unload with a verbal shotgun of insults, complaints and putdowns, Bonnie and Clyde style: “I’ll show you a thing or two!”

All I’m saying is that as Mid Life Divas, we have to hold on to the one thing that makes us the women we want to be, the person we’re proud to be when the lights go down. The authentic, genuine woman who, in the bright light of day, is the person we respect most of all.

Tame the Shrew who wants to beat this person senseless, whether it is physically – I believe that’s still called battery – emotionally or publicly.

Tame the Shrew with a little dignity. Think about the children. Think about ourselves. I know that what others say about you is not the main concern as you make your journey. But, what do you say about yourself when the lights go out and everything is quiet? Or when the “press” goes home and you’re all alone?

What can we say about ourselves when we see our reflections in the eyes of our children? Or in the eyes of the mothers who raised us? Can we honestly say that we’ve done the best that we could? Your reflection of you – your dignity – is you at your best. Our response says more about “us” than it says about “them”.

Don’t give it up, girl, not for anybody. Not to win. And certainly not to prove how bad, indecent or immoral the offending party is. I know we’ve heard it all before, but they will get theirs. Just don’t let it be at the expense of you losing yours.

That’s all I wanted to say.

Pride and the "B" Word" (Column Excerpt)

I just want to apologize beforehand, as this column may not be as funny or as humorous as some that have been written, it’s just that I was struck by something during one of the few opportunities when I am actually able to sit still and watch daytime television programming.
I was watching “The View” recently – one of the few days that I have had off for some “just for me” time. Today’s guests were Dina and Ali Lohan, mother and sister of the publicity-embattled actress Lindsay Lohan and stars of the new reality show “Living Lohan”.
Apparently Ms. Lohan had been receiving a lot of flack and had been portrayed as an overbearing publicity seeking, spotlight hogging stage mother for the way she has at-tempted to shield her children from the brutal glare of the publicity that comes with star-dom. Her method of refuting her bad press - put it all out there within the public forum of a “reality” television show and refusing to allow access to her young brood.
For this, I am sure that Ms. Lohan has been “graced” with a great big scarlet “B” from one individual, photographer or another whose toes she may have stepped on. But what stuck in my mind long after the segment was done and after the show had gone to a commercial break was the statement that Ms. Lohan made during the clip, that “a lioness protects her cubs.” That got me thinking.
No doubt the “B” word and Ms. Lohan have been and will continue to be linked now and in the future as she has a younger daughter who is determined to become an ac-tress and singer like her famous sibling.
She will no doubt continue to have run-ins with those who will perhaps want to exploit her children and she will have many more opportunities to earn the “B” title. Ms. Lohan is the obstacle that stands between their story/photo-op and her children. Hence therefore the label.
Ms. Lohan describes herself as the lioness protecting her cubs. I certainly can un-derstand this, while some may not like the way she handles her business and though I may not agree with everything that she says or does, I can understand her motives. The lioness is the protector, the provider, and the caretaker of her pride. She is built for strength, not for speed. She guards her territory and hunts for the pride, traveling some-times five miles or more daily to provide for the needs of her pride.
She allows no strange animals to hunt her territory, ignore her warnings at your peril. The lioness rarely attacks unless she is tormented, injured or something threatens her young. She shelters her blind, helpless newborns, sometimes even against their own fathers. And only when the cub is able to hunt for and protect herself does the lioness let her go.
Ms. Lohan is going to be around for a long time, the lioness protecting her cubs no matter who approves of her methods.
Mid life Divas no doubt may encounter equally as many opportunities to earn the “B” label as we move through the next stages of our lives. It is difficult to be strong, con-fident and fearless without raising a few eyebrows or ruffling a few feathers. So be it.
We protect our prides to the death, letting our young go free only when they are ready. We are not necessarily concerned about the attitudes of others as they wonder what on earth we think we are doing with the choices that we will make with regards to our futures and how we want to live the remainder of our lives.
Not everything that we will do or attempt to do as we move through midlife is go-ing to meet the approval of friends, family or society. Change, as difficult as it is for us, is just as difficult and perhaps even confusing for others as they feel uncomfortable with the women that we are becoming. Unfortunately strong women with strong opinions and strong wills may often find themselves bearing the “B” label.
With all of that being said, it is important that Mid Life Divas protect not only their own pride, but also the entire pride of women and not indulge in the labeling of other lionesses.
Refuse to use the “B” word for any reason. This single word lays to waste the ef-forts of many strong women - past and present. How far would we be today if women of generations past had not dared to buck the status quo, perhaps earning the “B” label for themselves?
Strength and tenacity in a woman does not a “B” make.
We may not agree with the methods of others and how the other protects her own and stands up for her own. But we must protect the pride as a whole. Work together as a whole to provide for the whole. And defend the pride to the death.
Got a story or comment about your challenges as you move through Mid Life Di-vadom? Share it with us! Visit our blog http://musingsofamidlifediva.blogspot.com.
Or email me at tlunnethomas@kc.rr.com. Join in the fray! Tell us what gives your life flavor. What makes you feel alive, want to stand up and dance? We want to hear it, your stories, and your ideas. Stop by to visit, stay awhile and dish!

Sweet, Sweet Summertime (Column Excerpt)

“In the summertime, when the weather is high,
You can stretch right up, an' touch the sky,
When the weather's fine, you got women, you got women on your mind…”

When I was a younger diva the opening strands of this one hit wonder by the early 1970s pop group Mungo Jerry always put me in the mood for summer. I was barely six years old when it was released and never understood the lyrics of the song but for each summer as far back as I can remember, this little ditty set the stage for long golden days of playing, hanging out and doing nothing.

I know that I say a major part of the journey through Mid Life Divadom is moving forward and not looking back on the way things could have or should have been but there is something about the golden days of summer that make me look back with fond memories of the days of girlhood.

When summer time was more about going outside playing from daybreak to sunset without a care in the world and less about worrying, dieting, cajoling and begging my midlife body to slip herself into any semblance of a swimsuit.

Summer was more about hanging out with girlfriends, eating popsicles, not caring what insects were swarming nearby and less about watching that clock on a Friday afternoon while coworkers swarm nearby, their minds already full of the activities they will participate in the minute that clock hits 5:00 (ok, 4:55 on Fridays!)

I remember “chicken walking” high-stepping on the hot sidewalks with bare feet, running out to talk to girlfriends in the hot glare of the sun until our mother’s shooed us inside because of news reports that some kid had been hospitalized with heat stroke.

Flirting with the older boys from “the other block”, not because they were cute, but simply because they were boys.

Riding my bicycle fearlessly with no hands on the handlebars, much to the dismay of my mother. Learning from my brothers how to pop the perfect wheelie on my bicycle, something other girls in my neighborhood never learned – or maybe never wanted to learn – to do.

Sneaking inside to listen and dance to the “forbidden rock music” on the radio the second my mom left the house for a church meeting. Or sneaking away with my bag of books borrowed from the library to sit and read action novels in my solitary hideout under the neighbor’s manicured forsythia bush.

Pretending to camp outside in the neighbor girl’s tent until her one-eyed cat Cricket decided to jump against the side of the tent in his manic quest to “get the bug”. I never did find out why that cat had one eye…

Playing outside until I smelled like the outside. Trying to sit still as my mother brushed then washed sticks and whatever else from my hair before bed. Drifting off to sleep at night, cotton sheets thrown off, windows open, with the old box fan whining and groaning in the background.

Days stretching on forever as we simply lived. I know it is cliché, but all good things come to an end. Summers eventually stretched into real life with the start of school in the fall, and then into grown up life.

Life was simple then, there was no need for so many bells and whistles. Summers were simply about uncomplicated, unfettered joy.

As I continue on my Mid Life Diva journey, I find myself longing to recapture this joy. Not my youth – heaven’s no! Once on that ride is more than enough! I look for ways to be able to tuck joy-full moments into the corners of my everyday life.

I have a good friend who seems to have harnessed the knack of capturing pure joy. Believe it or not, she accomplishes this feeling simply by enjoying a good meal. Upon receiving her meal, my girlfriend takes off her glasses and slips her feet out of her sandals. With the first mouthful, she closes her eyes, savoring every bite. She is in Nirvana. When I asked why on earth she removes her glasses and her shoes when she is eating, her reply was simple. “I just want to twinkle my toes.” Nirvana, for my friend, is simply twinkling her toes.

I think that what is in order is a summer break for Mid Life Divas. Too many of us no longer find pleasure in our routines of jobs, kids, parents and everything else that makes up a life.

My proposed summer breaks would include the following: go outside, away from the television, the telephone, even for a few minutes.

Enjoy a Popsicle, even if you have to fend off a few bugs. Twinkle your toes in the freshly cut grass. Give yourself permission to rest. Let go of the caretaker role – if only for a minute or two. Find yourself a figurative forsythia bush to sit under, hide there whenever you need some quiet time, and calm your nerves. Break away; develop summer rituals that celebrate you.

Indulge in the things that make your happy, beauty, love, peace, sunsets, music. Reclaim the things that bring you joy. Move joyfully, if you feel like dancing, skipping, singing – do it. 

Whose business is it really? Don’t wait for someone else to give you what you need. You are everything you need right now.

Remember these golden Mid Life Diva days as some of the most joy-full so far. Sit back, regroup, rethink. And don’t forget to twinkle your toes.

Mid Life Divas, how are you “twinkling your toes” this summer? How are you being kinder to yourself? Got a comment about the column or just want to share some words wisdom with other Mid Life Divas? Share it with us! Tell us what you want to talk about in future columns.